“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”
― Stasi Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul
Beauty – deep in the core of our frame is the desire to be accepted, found beautiful, wanted and worth being pursued. In our teen years the spirit of pursuit awakes, but at that time so does the enemy, seeking to destroy our thoughts of beauty. He comes in subtle ways “oh you can stand to loose weight” “your nose is bigger than anyone on the planet”, and a thousand thoughts subtly assault our beauty, our image, our core.
But these assaults are lies. Lies designed to trip us up from being who we are made to be… princesses, daughters of the most high, set in high places in Christ Jesus. If the enemy can undermine our mind, make us to feel that we are not worthy to be pursued, not worthy to be viewed as beautiful, then he will win.
The battle is on. Thoughts are prisoners, and King Jesus can give us victory over these horrendous attacks. Daughters of Adam, choose what you will listen to. Select each thought and weigh it carefully – is it good, peacable, kind, uplifting? Know that our great god will only speak truth to you. He will never speak in ways that belittle you. For you are a holy nation, a chosen people, a royal priesthood, called, chosen, blessed, and he sings over you. He loves you so much that he pursues you with all the powers of heaven. For you are beautiful, and captivating to him.
“The culture of women in the church today is crippled by some very pervasive lies. “To be spiritual is to be busy. To be spiritual is to be disciplined. To be spiritual is to be dutiful.” No, to be spiritual is to be in Romance with God. The desire to be romanced lies deep in the heart of every women. It is for such that you were made. Are you ARE romanced, and ever will be.”
― John Eldredge
I am learning that i must let go of everything and passionately pursue Jesus, and love him above all else. When this happens, Jesus corrects the wants and needs, and adjusts the disparities. Our fears, our needs, our hopes melt in the presence of our Savior. Not a fearsome warrior that sits a far off, but the lover of our soul, seeking to be a part of our every moment, of our every hour.
For he holds our lives in his hands… ordering our steps, calling us to deep waters, calling us to abandon all that the world would ask of us, and yield our very dreams to his tender care.
Last night I was in an amazing place of strength in my spirit. Call it stubborn Russian character, or call it exhaustion to react to the challenges of life. Quietly it is an internal work even I cannot understand in myself. For the entire existence on the earth I have panicked, spent huge amounts of energy striving, challenging, attempting to make a way or fix the problem. Not this time. Hopefully not again ever.
With 2014 I committed to a daily blog of a name or title of God. Comforter, deliverer, redeemer, the beginning. Yes, spent a good deal of time focusing on these unchangable qualities of God. And then I sensed a question. Nothing audible, but clear on my thoughts, and demanding in answer. “Do you trust me? Do you believe what you have been writing? Well, do you?”
Do I trust the same God that ordered the universe to order our very lives? Am I willing to trust his character, believe he does not change, and he loves me? Oh you bet your boots. Absolute trust, absolute willingness to yield to his plan.
Is my life still totally impossible and shattered from our financial/unemployment oddest? You bet your boots. 3 years of extremely low income, unemployment and the challenges of keeping ahead of the wolf remind me He has met our every need. Our utilities remained on, our house was saved,and everything else was gone. But we always had food, gas for the car, money for bills and a peace we would make it through.
So what changed? A car died. Our only car. So how big is my god? How possible is it that he has an answer but just wishes us to ask, believe, trust.
The difference this round is that our God is holding us through our new trial. He has answers that we don’t understand.
So today I will answer that question with “yes, I will trust you. I relinquish the striving. You will come through.”
There is a Jamie Grace song “Beautiful” that was playing on my headphones when the text message came in..
On the way to work – car died
Car wont turn over
roadside assistance here now
roadside left, waiting tow truck
towed to garage, waiting on the mechanic
head gasket blown, oil and radiator fluid everywhere – too costly to repair
Words fell like bullets into my gut. And yet the song continued to play and the lyrics jumped into my consciousness:
When trouble seems to rain on my dreams
It’s not a big, not a big deal
Let it wash all the bugs off my windshield
Cause You’re showing me in You I’m free
And You’re still the refuge
That I’ve just got to get to
So I won’t let a day go, won’t let a day go by
So put the drop top down, turn it up,
I’m ready to fly. - Beautiful, Jamie Grace
By faith i will not focus on the trauma of the loss of our only vehicle. By faith i will let this rain storm wash all the bugs off my windshield, and trust this is working toward a greater goal.
Its strange to say I have a deep peace in this decision. I will trust God for the provision of a vehicle, which will be functional, and which we can afford. He has provided our every need in the past, and he changes not… so
“Lord, this is your strength. You own the cattle on a thousand hills, and your wealth is beyond what we might understand. You have told us that you are our loving father, and that if a child would ask his father for a fish would he give a snake instead (no, absolutely not), or would he give a stone for bread. No, you are good, and even before we were aware of the need you knew. You hold everything in your control. Please lead us and guide us to the vehicle you wish us to find, and provide the means to purchase it. Today, unwaveringly i will trust you for this. You are indeed worthy to be trusted, and i thank you now in advance knowing that an answer is at hand. Amen”
“She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch.”
― John Eldredge, Captivating
How often have we thought of women as the second class, made from parts of a man, the afterthought. Boy were we dead wrong on that one… we were the final crowning touch of his creation…. not an afterthought but the perfection and completion of all that was good. Can you wrap your brain around that?
“A wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal.”
― John Eldredge from the book Captivating
We all have been wounded, injured, damaged by someone, or by our own perceptions of life. I totally agree that it is important to acknowledge and grieve the wound before it can be healed. And we all want healing.