Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Prone to wander, part III

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“Prone to wander, Lord I fear it.  Prone to leave the God I love.”

So goes my favorite hymn.  Months ago I posted about my wandering mind, wrestling with trying to find acceptance with my coworkers, and God’s insight into why there is no acceptance to be found.   Time has elapsed, and I remain conscious of how different I am and how I will probably never be accepted by them.  Acceptance is not really important but it would be nice to see our work environment more professional.  And it would be fabulous if both of them came to a place where they were opened to hearing the voice of God calling them to salvation. 

Lord, you know my heart.  I am sad that they are not willing to hear your voice, or know the depths of your love for them.  I yearn for them to come to salvation, and ask that you would continue to use me toward that end.  Help me to not return evil for evil, but bless them, and pray for them daily.  Amen

And I need to confess that I am still struggling with another issue.  For the last 15 years I have known a girl who grew up to be a youth missionary for a number of years. Wanting to encourage her I was one of her volunteers for several years.  She was very young in her faith, but she seemed passionate about spiritual things and kids.  Over time she stepped away from the youth work, then stepped away from church, then stepped away from God, and then stepped away from our friendship. 

Finding herself unemployed, and at a despirate finacial place she called me one day several years ago to ask if I knew of any job openings.  I knew of one, and thought she was a good fit for the work – asked her for a resume and went to my boss with it, personally vouching for her.  Not willing to trust in me alone, she went to someone who was a friend of hers. He happened to be senior management of the company.  She got the job, and when I expressed my joy she reminded me that it was due to her friend in senior management.  My heart sunk for a moment.  “No, I don;t need the glory – thank you lord for humbling me on this” I thought, and I moved on to celebrate with her this great opportunity.  She began working with me, and quickly she showed a different side.  She was harsh, aggressive, and there was little of any thought that we had been friends for years.  As time went on, she got colder and less friendly to me.  She now only talks to me if I say something first.  There are no vestages of our friendship left.  And there are no reminents of faith in her, in fact anything related to faith, or God’s Word, or Christ are ridiculed and a source of distane to her.

I see her in the hall, or she will come and talk with my coworkers and there is something about her that sets my soul to grieve.  How can you step away from the greatness of God’s love and salvation and give your heart back to the world?  How can you taste the sweetness of salvation and ever walk away from it?  My favorite hymn reminds me that we are all “prone to wander” when we are left to our own strength, but the hope, and the promise is in committing our live back into the hands of God because he is faithful to keep that which is given to him.   So my heart is sad because I don;t think my friend ever committed her life, her soul, her heart to God.  She may have shown outward signs of response to God at some point, but the change was not internalized.  She has layed aside the powerful truth of God’s word for the wisdom of this world. 

Lord, here I am again.  You know how many times I have come back to you asking that you would bless her, return her to salvation, open her eyes to your truth.  For this season sin is sweet and irrisistable, but I am asking you to show her the emptyness of sin.  She has heard your word- and you promise that your word will never return void.  Take your word and awaken it in her soul until she must acknowlege you as Lord and Savior.  Save her heart and soul and retore her to salvation. 

And Lord, I give this back to you, acknowleging that I can only love her and pray for her.  Forgive me for the times when I have felt upset and frustrated withwhat I see.  I return to you knowing that I am in your watchcare.  Amen

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Written by Barbara Bloom

January 20, 2009 at 1:10 AM

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