Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Archive for February 2010

Life is so fragile

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This morning my coworker was looking at the news on the internet and there was a horrible breaking story about a man wielding an ax at a mens shelter. It is odd that I even noticed his computer screen because I am usually quite absorbed in my morning work. But I thought the news blurb was tragic and horrible, but very inpersonal.

Somewhere early in the afternoon I got a call and learned that the incident had personal rammifications. The victim of the ax attack was the mother of my spouse’s coworker. A mere 59 years old, this woman started her day with the same routine of getting ready, and heading off to work, not knowing that by the middle of that day she would no longer breathe the air of our earth. Her injuries took her to the trauma bay of the hospital where all human efforts fell short and she slipped into eternity.

My heart fell, my soul filled with sadness and anguish that any human could even think to act in such a violent manner, let alone carry this act out. I was speechless. Death of natural causes is challenging enough to our souls and our spirits, but to be ripped from this life through th violent acts of an irrational person is more than I know how to handle.


So I bowed my heart again, asking the god of all comfort to flood the souls of each of the family that remain, and grant them a gentle comforting presence. And I asked God again how I can be there for the family. Oddly, this news overshaddowed my seemingly gigantic financial nightmare. My trial seems so small compared to this rapid and violent act. God forgive me for my self focused time.

I am a believer in part because of a strong witness given at a funeral. My cousin’s sudden and tragic death in a car accident propelled me to step up my search for God, finding him through the widow, and through God’s word so many years ago. Oddly this woman killed tragically bears the name of one of my cousins, the sister of the cousin who was killed many years ago. Lord may you use me to speak peace to the family. May you flood their souls with your light, with your grace, with your salvation. May you peak their search for answers with finding you. GRant that this horrific death may not cause them to be bitter, but that they can seek you and your hand in this time. Grant that you might bring them your grace and your salvation. May they sense you in this tragic time. Amen.

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Written by Barbara Bloom

February 11, 2010 at 12:04 AM

knocking and asking

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I am resolved that my situation is impossible apart from the move of God in my life. So tonight I have determined I will be like the persistant woman who knocked and knocked on the door of the judge. I am coming to the Lord with one clear and simple request and I am believing with everything in my soul for his good hand to move.

Lord, your word says we do not have because we do not ask. I am again coming to you asking that you will supply a specific need. That you will provide from your resources the provision to cover the overdrafted bank account and allow us to pay our bills. I am asking for a specific amount of money above our normal pay, and asking Lord that you will be glorified as you provide our desperate need. My hands are empty, my pockets are bare, and my resources are gone. It is the red sea, and the egyptians are pressing in. Like your people, the only way out is a way you must make. I am firmly believing in your character, and your provision. And I am coming unwaveringly requesting that you help us, meet the need we have to pay our bills. I acknowlege the sin that took us to this point, but realize that I cannot change the situation on my own. I am humbly begging that you will move your good hand and provide the need. I want to be reckless in my belief that you will meet this need. By faith I am putting my full trust in you to meet this budget issue and ask thaty ou will not permit your child to be shamed faced but for your glory pay the debts I owe. May you please show yourself glorious in this situation. I am thanking you now, because by faith I know you will meet my need and glorify yourself in this matter. Thank you Father, for your provision. Thank You in the Name of Jesus. Amen

Written by Barbara Bloom

February 10, 2010 at 11:37 PM

Covenant Prayer of John Wesley

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I love the legacy of christian history, and the prayers of those who went before us. I never before heard this prayer until i read Kay Warren’s book and the concept of surrender spoke so strongly to me. Here is the prayer.

Covenant Prayer
From John Wesley’s Covenant Service , 1780

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things
to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine. So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

All I can say is Amen, Lord Jesus. Everything about this prayer spoke to the despirate need in my heart to accept his will in my life.

Written by Barbara Bloom

February 7, 2010 at 2:20 AM

Coming to the end of myself

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I must confess that the title of this post is something I have given little thought to, or previously had a very different view of its true meaning. With our financial crisis I have learned that my life is not my own, and i have come to the end of my resources, finding myself yielding the scraps of what is left to the mighty hands of the lord. I am helpless to change my situation apart from the direct intervention of the lord himself.

So I have come to the end of myself. is that so bad? or is there a new freedom in surrendering wholey and completely to a God whose character is good, and holds everything in his sovereign hands.

I have just finished reading “Dangerous Surrender: What Happens When You Say Yes to God” by Kay Warren, so the concept of surrender is burning on my heart. In fact, everything I have heard, or read these past weeks has focused on complete surrender. I am compelled to realize the call of God on my life to surrender… to loosen and remove my grasp from my life. As Kay Warren said, the kingdom of me must die. But I am a slow learner or perhaps a very selfish lover of my kingdom. But I must love the king, Jesus, more than I love myself. So the cry of my heart is that I want to yield everything to him afresh, lay down the life I have known, willingly embrace what he leads me to.

So Father, here i am, sitting before you and crying out to you that I want to yield everything back to you, but I am fearful, and so limited in my capacity to learn. You have given me the gift of faith, and the glorious hope of salvation. Forgive my unbelief, forgive my fear. I have loved the life I have known, but this is not the place you want me in. You want my surrender, and nothing less. Please take me deeper, lead me on to the place you have ordered for me. Grant that I might have faith to trust you and trust your good hand in my life. Amen

Written by Barbara Bloom

February 6, 2010 at 2:06 AM

Fear and discouragement

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As you may know, we battle with health issues, and those physical issues sometimes come in a wave of attack on the soul. I paniced again today when I thought he was at work, and learned he did not come in. I tried calling home and the phone was made busy. No answering cell phones either. What on earth is going on.

oh, that is right, it is the battle.
it is the eternal battle for our souls, and the enemy is pressing in hard.
it is the battle I hate, the enemy i hate, but a god I love and a husband I love very much.

Psalm 25 reminds me “unto you O Lord to I lift up my soul. O my God , I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not my enemies triumph over me.”

that is my prayer in the midst of this skirmish. My eyes are returning to you lord, and I know that I can hope in you asking anything in yoru name and you are a good father. I am asking for restored health – physical and emotional, and please draw us to you deeper that we may stand against the whiles of the devil, and know that you are our sword and sheild, our high tower, our great savior. May you lead on King Jesus, and take us to heaven in victory.

Amen

Written by Barbara Bloom

February 2, 2010 at 2:01 AM