Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Coming to the end of myself

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I must confess that the title of this post is something I have given little thought to, or previously had a very different view of its true meaning. With our financial crisis I have learned that my life is not my own, and i have come to the end of my resources, finding myself yielding the scraps of what is left to the mighty hands of the lord. I am helpless to change my situation apart from the direct intervention of the lord himself.

So I have come to the end of myself. is that so bad? or is there a new freedom in surrendering wholey and completely to a God whose character is good, and holds everything in his sovereign hands.

I have just finished reading “Dangerous Surrender: What Happens When You Say Yes to God” by Kay Warren, so the concept of surrender is burning on my heart. In fact, everything I have heard, or read these past weeks has focused on complete surrender. I am compelled to realize the call of God on my life to surrender… to loosen and remove my grasp from my life. As Kay Warren said, the kingdom of me must die. But I am a slow learner or perhaps a very selfish lover of my kingdom. But I must love the king, Jesus, more than I love myself. So the cry of my heart is that I want to yield everything to him afresh, lay down the life I have known, willingly embrace what he leads me to.

So Father, here i am, sitting before you and crying out to you that I want to yield everything back to you, but I am fearful, and so limited in my capacity to learn. You have given me the gift of faith, and the glorious hope of salvation. Forgive my unbelief, forgive my fear. I have loved the life I have known, but this is not the place you want me in. You want my surrender, and nothing less. Please take me deeper, lead me on to the place you have ordered for me. Grant that I might have faith to trust you and trust your good hand in my life. Amen

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Written by Barbara Bloom

February 6, 2010 at 2:06 AM

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