Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Archive for September 2010

Changing not in changing times

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Life seems to be so drastically different today than it was one year ago… and god forbid wethink of 5-10 years ago. Money is tighter, tensions are higher, and the world is running at hyperspeed when all I want to do is grab my bible and crash for an evening with the Lord. The more life intensifies the less I want to participate in the traditional sense.

I am one of the statistics of people who lost a job this year. It was great income. It was work that captured my skill set, and I was good at it. But someone had to pay the price for the economic upheavel… the cycle spun to my little corner of the world. And in that moment when I lost my job I realized how much weight I was bearing on my shoulders…. deadlines, critical spirits, and a boss who has an enormous problem with insecurity. Freed of that weight I have learned how I love life, and I learned what I love about life. Now how can I turn that into a business, and succeed? Ideas fly, but they all return to the feet of Jesus where like a small frightened child I just yearn to crawl into his lap and allow him to hold me until the fear is disappated.

It has been 5 months since that fateful day when I was escorted to the door with a box of the vestages of my desk in tow. Escorted like a common criminal. I have wanted to go back to that day, and ask a thousand questions of the lord. Why me? why now? what next? and i have had a real sense that I must work to not be bitter or angry over the loss. But like all grief, time and the grace of the Lord heals all things.

I can tell you I am less angry. But I can also tell you I feel whole heartedly dependent on the Lord for everything now. No self reliance. No savings to fall back on, working without a net. Yet I have the greatest net I could ask for – Jesus. He has seen to it that our bills and obligations are being met. He has provided a way to make money – not nearly the salary i once knew, but a job. And he is teaching us hi s marvelous saving power.

Thank you Jesus that you are all knowing, all powerful and capable of keeping that which is given back to you. You hold my life in your hands. Order my steps rightly, and lead me with your heart of compassion. I remain yielded. I choose forgiveness for those I worked for in the past, and I choose your grace. You have promised us that you would not leave us or forsake us. Thank you that you do not change. Guide me through this turbulence in the journey called life, and lead me homeward to that place in heaven. Amen

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Written by Barbara Bloom

September 25, 2010 at 10:11 AM

Summer is ending

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It is funny that as a child I loved having summer off… romping in the sun, swimming, soaking up the rays to have the darkest tan in town, an endless supply of paperbacks, library books, craft projects, and life was simple.
these 30 some years since graduating high school I have not had a summer like that until this year. I have found lots of free time because I have been unemployed and hunting for work. It is like hunting for rhinos in cleveland… scarce, oh, wait a minute – are there really any jobs to be found? actually i dont think there are.

so summer is ending, and like my youth i must again dress up, put real shoes on, and get serious about an income.

i have discovered that when I worked I had lost myself… that core of who I am and why i exist. My purpose was to put out fires, keep irrational people happy, and rational people calm…. without that stress I have realized how draining my last job was, and how stressful it is to feel i must compete with the big dogs with their fancy high priced suites and dime a dozen mba’s. i am finding freedom in my new found poverty. but it is not poverty of the soul, just of the pocketbook.

Lord, you have released me for this summer to be free, to celebrate life, to heal the pain and stress life has brought, and to come to an end of myself. I again lay it all down, lay it at your feet, yield my life, my thoughts, my plans, my future to the creator of all. You know me full well, and know the plan you forged for me…. lead me in your righteousness and surround me with your love… May I always know your great and abiding love in my life. And your staying power. Amen. – PS- can you give me a job that pays enough to pay my bills! thank you

Written by Barbara Bloom

September 22, 2010 at 4:06 PM

Posted in daily life, growth, hope, prayer