Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Archive for December 2010

Leading with the heart

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How many of us have followed our heart only to realize that we did not allow the Lord to help us think out something with our mind, and wise counsel? I have been there and worn that tshirt many times.

Leading with the heart infers that the emotions take over, and make decisions that should be balanced by counting the cost, considering the possible directions or ways it could go. Like the boyscout, preparing for all possible scenarios, or through thinking it out determining that I may not have the capacity to fulfill the purpose of this task. Leading with the heart is a characteristic more often found in women, perhaps a nurturer’s trait. Perhaps it is just how women are wired.

I must say I have lead with my heart, and most of the time when I allowed my emotions to override the thinking it out process I have discovered myself deep in the quciksand of life. Like quicksand, these emotional decisions have soon brought me to a place where I knew I was outgunned, overpowered, helpless. No the situation was not hopeless – but I learned I had no tools to deal with the issues. And perhaps someon else was better suited to deal with the issue.

On my mind today is a woman with a big heart. She has experienced a turbulent year, which continues to unravel before us. She entered 2010 with a marriage that was near death and both of them living in separate quarters. Then she lost her job, and the economics of life dictated she move back in with him. Prayers were that the Lord would build again on a foundation that needed shoring up. Something is happening there… And we continue to believe for God to revitalize their marriage, and their love for one another.

Well, she has a big heart, and knew of a bad situation involving children of a drug addicted mom. She threw caution to the wind and fostered the kids, bringing them into this shaky home. The children experienced a turbulent past filled with drug addicted parents, and the scarey side of society camping at their door… so there was much processed life that you could never account for, which this kind woman had never experienced in all her days. I can honestly say i would have little to no understanding of how to cope with kids that raised themselves because their parent was too stoned to know anything… and the circle of friends she attracted were dangerous and intended to remain in the drug culture, and obtain money for their drug habit however they could. Now the collision is with these children wanting their freedom, wanting their way, and expressing great displeasure when they are disciplined, or bad behavior is redirected. The good woman layed down boundaries, rules, restrictions… No you cannot have your boyfriend that is 4 years older come over and spend the night…. no it is unacceptable to have sex in my house. no it is not acceptable to have your friends from the gang over my house…. Reasonable safeguards to keep the house and these kids sheltered, protected…. like any good parent would do. But these kids have never known good parents… or boundaries, or rules.

Because they are wards of the county this woman sought professional help… which has not helped. The professionals were more of a stumbling block, accusatory, worthless. and made this woman feel like she is wrong, wrong, wrong. And the kids are straining her compassionate heart, and the hearts and minds of those around her. Even the best parents have no tools to cope with the behavior issues. This woman stands at a crossroad of acknowledging she is over her head, and a decision to return them to the county, and that is so very painfully challenging.

If you are reading this, would you stop and spend a moment praying for this woman for wisdom, for clarity of God;s will, and for the courage to do the right thing.

Leading with your heart can be a blessing, or your heart can become vulnerably exposed to attack. I am praying for her that she would lead not just with her heart, but with her very wise counsel, and her mind and that the Lord himself will direct her steps.

Lord, you give us your heart of compassion and leave us in this sin scarred world. Sometimes when we see children seemingly neglected it is only right to try to nurture and raise them, but please give this woman discernment, and clarity of thought today on the decision of how to proceed. She is vulnerable today, and tired, stressed to the maximum, without a job, a car, or the stability of home. Please stabilize something for her, please heal her marriage, and please give unity of thought to the decision that is to be made today. And for the children, may you grab them and take them to a place of submission, surrender of the old life, and a willingness to submit to the authoirity of parents, whether this woman remains, or another family becomes the parents.

You are the ever present Emmanuel, god with us. Be with this woman now, flood her soul with your presence, your peace, your wisdom, your clarity. And above all, guard your relationship with her, that her heart may remain yielded to you. Amen

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Written by Barbara Bloom

December 20, 2010 at 12:22 PM

surrender is continual

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the year has been one i do not wish to repeat. changes, unemployment, financial issues and a tough job market have made it next to impossible to put any security in what I see and less in what I know…. but then i surrender my thoughts again…. in the midst of a panic attack i yield to the one who made me, who knows me better than i do…. and i am reminded this storm shall pass. For he has a plan for me, a future and a hope. So i dont want to confess how many times a day I come back to him and yield again this weak and sin scarred mind to his sovereignty.

Blessed are you lord God, king of the universe, master of my soul. I again yield my heart, mind and soul to Jesus Christ, and I present my thoughts to you, prisoners of this war that rages on earth. Grant me peace, that I may dwell on that which is good, and perfect and right, and refuse to give in to the fear, intimidation, or what my eyes see,. I know you love me and you want the best for my life…. i will again choose to trust. Amen