Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

discouraged but not defeated

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today i awoke after a nap, post night shift. I am realizing more than ever how night shift tares me apart physically and emotionally. I am so very vulnerable when i am sleep deprived. And I am so filled with anxiety and fear. I dont like that. it is not from God

So i woke up today, and began again to make calls and seek employment. On direction from a friend i called an employment agency I had dealt with before… my lovely contact was on vacation and instead of a warm reception and a voice welcoming the business i encountered a harsh and challenging woman on the other end who made me feel like a failure and misfit. How have we evolved in society to the point that when someone comes to you for help they are beaten down further. It took me to a very dark place where i sat wheeping like a baby wondering will i ever find my place in the work force again. Wheeping because i am willing to work, eager to work, need the income, and want to contribute to society. But it is these guardians of employment that remind me I dont want to deal with them. Anger and frustration have given way to helpless prayer for God to rescue me… no – let me correct that – helpless prayer of despiration for direction, wisdom to know how to proceed and the faith to follow the Lord’s direction. Will this ever resolve?


Written by Barbara Bloom

July 11, 2011 at 9:51 PM

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