Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

discouraged but not defeated

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today i awoke after a nap, post night shift. I am realizing more than ever how night shift tares me apart physically and emotionally. I am so very vulnerable when i am sleep deprived. And I am so filled with anxiety and fear. I dont like that. it is not from God

So i woke up today, and began again to make calls and seek employment. On direction from a friend i called an employment agency I had dealt with before… my lovely contact was on vacation and instead of a warm reception and a voice welcoming the business i encountered a harsh and challenging woman on the other end who made me feel like a failure and misfit. How have we evolved in society to the point that when someone comes to you for help they are beaten down further. It took me to a very dark place where i sat wheeping like a baby wondering will i ever find my place in the work force again. Wheeping because i am willing to work, eager to work, need the income, and want to contribute to society. But it is these guardians of employment that remind me I dont want to deal with them. Anger and frustration have given way to helpless prayer for God to rescue me… no – let me correct that – helpless prayer of despiration for direction, wisdom to know how to proceed and the faith to follow the Lord’s direction. Will this ever resolve?

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Written by Barbara Bloom

July 11, 2011 at 9:51 PM

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