Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Archive for January 2014

Trusting when the bottom keeps falling out

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Last night I was in an amazing place of strength in my spirit. Call it stubborn Russian character, or call it exhaustion to react to the challenges of life. Quietly it is an internal work even I cannot understand in myself. For the entire existence on the earth I have panicked, spent huge amounts of energy striving, challenging, attempting to make a way or fix the problem. Not this time. Hopefully not again ever.
With 2014 I committed to a daily blog of a name or title of God. Comforter, deliverer, redeemer, the beginning. Yes, spent a good deal of time focusing on these unchangable qualities of God. And then I sensed a question. Nothing audible, but clear on my thoughts, and demanding in answer. “Do you trust me? Do you believe what you have been writing? Well, do you?”

Do I trust the same God that ordered the universe to order our very lives? Am I willing to trust his character, believe he does not change, and he loves me? Oh you bet your boots. Absolute trust, absolute willingness to yield to his plan.

Is my life still totally impossible and shattered from our financial/unemployment oddest? You bet your boots. 3 years of extremely low income, unemployment and the challenges of keeping ahead of the wolf remind me He has met our every need. Our utilities remained on, our house was saved,and everything else was gone. But we always had food, gas for the car, money for bills and a peace we would make it through.

So what changed? A car died. Our only car. So how big is my god? How possible is it that he has an answer but just wishes us to ask, believe, trust.

The difference this round is that our God is holding us through our new trial. He has answers that we don’t understand.

So today I will answer that question with “yes, I will trust you. I relinquish the striving. You will come through.”

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Written by Barbara Bloom

January 16, 2014 at 12:03 PM

Bugs on the windshield

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There is a Jamie Grace song “Beautiful” that was playing on my headphones when the text message came in..

On the way to work – car died
Car wont turn over
roadside assistance here now
roadside left, waiting tow truck
towed to garage, waiting on the mechanic
head gasket blown, oil and radiator fluid everywhere – too costly to repair

Words fell like bullets into my gut.  And yet the song continued to play and the lyrics jumped into my consciousness:

When trouble seems to rain on my dreams
It’s not a big, not a big deal
Let it wash all the bugs off my windshield
Cause You’re showing me in You I’m free
And You’re still the refuge
That I’ve just got to get to
So I won’t let a day go, won’t let a day go by
So put the drop top down, turn it up,
I’m ready to fly.    – Beautiful, Jamie Grace

By faith i will not focus on the trauma of the loss of our only vehicle.  By faith i will let this rain storm wash all the bugs off my windshield, and trust this is working toward a greater goal.

Its strange to say I have a deep peace in this decision. I will trust God for the provision of a vehicle, which will be functional, and which we can afford.  He has provided our every need in the past, and he changes not… so

“Lord, this is your strength. You own the cattle on a thousand hills, and your wealth is beyond what we might understand.  You have told us that you are our loving father, and that if a child would ask his father for a fish would he give a snake instead (no, absolutely not), or would he give a stone for bread. No, you are good, and even before we were aware of the need you knew.  You hold everything in your control.  Please lead us and guide us to the vehicle you wish us to find, and provide the means to purchase it.  Today, unwaveringly i will trust you for this.  You are indeed worthy to be trusted, and i thank you now in advance knowing that an answer is at hand.  Amen”

Written by Barbara Bloom

January 15, 2014 at 9:49 AM