Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Trusting when the bottom keeps falling out

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Last night I was in an amazing place of strength in my spirit. Call it stubborn Russian character, or call it exhaustion to react to the challenges of life. Quietly it is an internal work even I cannot understand in myself. For the entire existence on the earth I have panicked, spent huge amounts of energy striving, challenging, attempting to make a way or fix the problem. Not this time. Hopefully not again ever.
With 2014 I committed to a daily blog of a name or title of God. Comforter, deliverer, redeemer, the beginning. Yes, spent a good deal of time focusing on these unchangable qualities of God. And then I sensed a question. Nothing audible, but clear on my thoughts, and demanding in answer. “Do you trust me? Do you believe what you have been writing? Well, do you?”

Do I trust the same God that ordered the universe to order our very lives? Am I willing to trust his character, believe he does not change, and he loves me? Oh you bet your boots. Absolute trust, absolute willingness to yield to his plan.

Is my life still totally impossible and shattered from our financial/unemployment oddest? You bet your boots. 3 years of extremely low income, unemployment and the challenges of keeping ahead of the wolf remind me He has met our every need. Our utilities remained on, our house was saved,and everything else was gone. But we always had food, gas for the car, money for bills and a peace we would make it through.

So what changed? A car died. Our only car. So how big is my god? How possible is it that he has an answer but just wishes us to ask, believe, trust.

The difference this round is that our God is holding us through our new trial. He has answers that we don’t understand.

So today I will answer that question with “yes, I will trust you. I relinquish the striving. You will come through.”

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Written by Barbara Bloom

January 16, 2014 at 12:03 PM

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