Thorns among the Barbs

Thoughts on my journey to heaven

Posts Tagged ‘trust

Trusting when the bottom keeps falling out

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Last night I was in an amazing place of strength in my spirit. Call it stubborn Russian character, or call it exhaustion to react to the challenges of life. Quietly it is an internal work even I cannot understand in myself. For the entire existence on the earth I have panicked, spent huge amounts of energy striving, challenging, attempting to make a way or fix the problem. Not this time. Hopefully not again ever.
With 2014 I committed to a daily blog of a name or title of God. Comforter, deliverer, redeemer, the beginning. Yes, spent a good deal of time focusing on these unchangable qualities of God. And then I sensed a question. Nothing audible, but clear on my thoughts, and demanding in answer. “Do you trust me? Do you believe what you have been writing? Well, do you?”

Do I trust the same God that ordered the universe to order our very lives? Am I willing to trust his character, believe he does not change, and he loves me? Oh you bet your boots. Absolute trust, absolute willingness to yield to his plan.

Is my life still totally impossible and shattered from our financial/unemployment oddest? You bet your boots. 3 years of extremely low income, unemployment and the challenges of keeping ahead of the wolf remind me He has met our every need. Our utilities remained on, our house was saved,and everything else was gone. But we always had food, gas for the car, money for bills and a peace we would make it through.

So what changed? A car died. Our only car. So how big is my god? How possible is it that he has an answer but just wishes us to ask, believe, trust.

The difference this round is that our God is holding us through our new trial. He has answers that we don’t understand.

So today I will answer that question with “yes, I will trust you. I relinquish the striving. You will come through.”


Written by Barbara Bloom

January 16, 2014 at 12:03 PM

Fear and discouragement

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As you may know, we battle with health issues, and those physical issues sometimes come in a wave of attack on the soul. I paniced again today when I thought he was at work, and learned he did not come in. I tried calling home and the phone was made busy. No answering cell phones either. What on earth is going on.

oh, that is right, it is the battle.
it is the eternal battle for our souls, and the enemy is pressing in hard.
it is the battle I hate, the enemy i hate, but a god I love and a husband I love very much.

Psalm 25 reminds me “unto you O Lord to I lift up my soul. O my God , I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not my enemies triumph over me.”

that is my prayer in the midst of this skirmish. My eyes are returning to you lord, and I know that I can hope in you asking anything in yoru name and you are a good father. I am asking for restored health – physical and emotional, and please draw us to you deeper that we may stand against the whiles of the devil, and know that you are our sword and sheild, our high tower, our great savior. May you lead on King Jesus, and take us to heaven in victory.


Written by Barbara Bloom

February 2, 2010 at 2:01 AM

What is changing in me

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As you know we have a lot of stressors in our life right now… finanicial insolvency, insecure employment, and now a parent living with us while she waits for her home to sell in an economy that is all but dried up to the housing market. All I really need is for my work world to begin to go south and I think i will melt down completely.

But how much do I trust God?

So the world is unraveling around me, and around the life I once knew. Our budget has reduced us to bringing budget canned soup for lunch, and refusing to eat out until the debt is resolved. New clothes? what are you, crazy? Buy that needed pair of glasses for the prescription that the doctor gave you 6 months ago – not right now. Everything is on hold to cover and pay our bills . and try to return our life to some sort of normalicy.

And on the insecure job front, an offer comes for a job that is perfect, he is the only canidate and the pay is comparable to current income… all good. Resume in, hopes high, and the board of directors of that company decides to slow the process down a month or two. Sure, they dont know the stress this added to our plate.

but how much do i trust God?

How Much?

Am I able to look beyond all of these factors and begin to ask God to sort them out, give me his wisdom and enlighten me on how to move. I am afraid to make any move before it is clear that the Lord is moving me. I trust him. It is myself, my emotions, my mind, my thinking that I cannot ever trust because many times my perspective is very skewed.

I am changing. I am becomming willing to look for God’s hand and wait until he is there. Probably because I have run ahead of him far too many times.

Lord, keep me at the centerof your will, not moving ahead or lagging behind. I yield every thought and deed and every breath of life to you. May you take this ash heap and turn it to your glory as you mold me to the image of your precious son and my savior, Jesus Christ. Amen

Written by Barbara Bloom

January 29, 2010 at 2:03 PM

How am I like Uzza?

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Remember Uzza, the guy who was helping to escort the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem. The ark was on an oxcart and at some point the cart began to wobble. The oxen stumbled as they approached a threashing floor. Maybe it rode over a rut or a big boulder, but the cart became unstable, and the precious contents began to slide off. Uzza reached out to the ark to steady it and was instantly killed.

David and the whole house of Israel were celebrating with all their might before the LORD, with songs and with harps, lyres, tambourines, sistrums and cymbals. When they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. The LORD’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down and he died there beside the ark of God. -2Sam 6:5-7

I have been thinking about that passage a lot, and it seems that I have been hearing about it on christian radio often also. So how does this apply to my life? Is there an wisdom here that will help me with my life? my christian walk?

Hmm, Still in deep though about it, but I can say that I know I am guilty of loosing sight of the complete and absolute holyness of God. It seems that every mention of God in the old testament was of pure holiness, and we sinful people could not look upon Him and live. And the new testament ends with a vision of Jesus standing among the lamp stands of Revelation in which he shows his sovereign power and holiness. Countless people have fallen before God’s presence as though they were dead because they sensed his absolute pure sovereign nature. And that very God lives in me because of salvation given to me through the death of Jesus.

I have been praying that the Lord would renew in my heart that sensitivity to his holiness, and that passion to obey and follow him. I want to know what it is to work out my salvation with fear and trembling – fear of God alone. Trembling because I know my weak frame and my sin nature that cannot be trusted.

The ark of the covenant was never meant to be placed on an ox cart, but instead to be upheld by priests of the tribe of Levi, sanctified and set apart for the purpose of bearing the ark. And with at least 4 men holding up the ark by the special poles they did not risk instability of the ark. Every footstep of these men carefully moved the ark to the destination. The priests bore the weigth and responsibility on their shoulders. An ox cart was a seemingly easy choice becayse the cart would hold the weight, but the cart only has 2 wheels, and would be much more unstable. Perhaps it was the absence of sanctified priests to transport the ark, or perhaps the cart was just there… the bib

So then there is me. I have trusted in credit cards, rather than God to provide, or just done without. And over time my finances hit the rocks. It was not God’s plan to build debt. When I begin to rely upon other resources, and different ways to achieve the goal and disobey God;s direction on how to live this does lead to death in my life. Death is a profoundly overwhelming thing when it involves my walk with God. Unfortunately sin leads to death of sensitivity to HIS spirit, and Death to the access to his presence, power and grace. And the sin blinds me to what is the right thing to do. Like David making the choice to put the Ark on an Ox Cart, I made choices to instantly gratify, or source out answers that would bring death to my spirit.

And in the old testament the name of the person is always significant. There is deeper and more profound meanings to each person’s name in the bibile. Uzza, coincidentally means strength…. human strength. His name speaks of being self sufficient, capable, and one who has physical capabilities. He is the man who can handle anything. He takes care of business. I don;t believe it was a coincidence that the man who was struck dead for trying to stabilize the very presence of God manifest in the Ark of the Covenant would be named “Strength”. God’s word is clear about his absolute holy presence. How offensive that must have been to think a strong man would stabilize the manifest presence of God. Who are we that any one of us would ever think we have the ability to help God. I could begin to understand how the anger of the lord stirred – disobedience coupled with human intention is not a good mix.

God himself is strength, and our mortal feeble efforts pale in comparison with his all powerful, all knowing, always present manifestation in humanity. We must realize that HIS holyness cannot be taken lightly.

And as new testament believers we must realize that we are the temple of God – Where we go we always take the presence of God with us. How we act, think and live demonstrates to a watching world what we believe of our God. Am I living my life dependent upon his spirit, his power and his wisdom?

Application challenge – am I choosing easy and logical ways to get through times where there is a need, or am I looking to the God who created everything and trusting him absolutely to provide for my situation.

Lord, you know every detail of me – my thoughts, my ways, my hopes, dreams and fears. And you are intimately acquainted with my life and my situation. I surrender my cares, and burdens to you and I also surrender the ox carts of my life to you. Now take my life and reshape it to glorify you as I learn to trust you more. Amen”

Written by Barbara Bloom

September 30, 2009 at 12:33 PM

Breaking free of bondage

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Bondage – slavery – indenture- harsh words that speak of owing what you cannot repay, and unable to escape the situation you are in.

Our church has begun a series on breaking free from what holds us hostage, and so the thought of bondage has been on my heart.

Actually I must admit our financial melt down has been a very constant reminder of how easy sin takes us to bondage, and how bondage saps the joy from our lives. We are still working our way through our finances, working second jobs, struggling to pay the bills, and seeking God with everything that is in us.

The lord has shown me that clearly apart from him I am helpless and hopeless, and I can do nothing. Dependent upon his mercy and grace I am learning to trust Him in a whole new way. Trusting him for the finances to pay our bills, and for the health to work, and for the actual job itself. In our times of great uncertainty I have learned that my gaze must always be toward Jesus.

As we worked through Matthew 6:26-34

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, [shall he] not much more [clothe] you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day [is] the evil thereof.

So the question in my soul is this – Why would I doubt the capability of my God to supply my need. Why would I be so pig headed to run ahead and spend and charge and buy and do… without the safety of the resources to pay for it when God will supply my need.

I look at my coworkers who are often stylish, with the latest this and the spashiest that… and here I am with the same basic clothing… nothing fancy, nothing trendy, and no desire to sink into debt to compete with them. I fired up a quick prayer to ask for God to settle my heart and turn my eyes to him, not to what I am lacking. And I layed down the desire to focus on what I am not or what i do not have. Later that evening I was working my night job and a coworker came in with a small bag of clothing… all for me. She was visiting a used clothing store where she found amazing deals for dirt cheap. Amazing, miraculous, and the clothing fit me perfectly.

“So, consider the lillies of the field… they don;t do anything to bring out their beauty, but the Lord, the creator, clothes them in colors and garments that are vivid and bright. ”

Thank you lord for those tangible moments when you turn our hearts to trust you, and wait. Thank you that you fill our hearts with peace, and a sense of acceptace, contentment. For it is in those moments we are yielded and ready to see your good hand at work. Amen

Written by Barbara Bloom

September 29, 2009 at 2:03 PM